Create a more fulfilling professional life and career by being relentlessly yourself. Today we are joined by Autoher, coach, and speaker Evelien Van es who works with corporations, entrepreneurs, and individuals to be relentlessly themselves and live a more fulfilling life. https://evelienvanes.com/
Tim Kubiak 0:02
Do you find yourself overthinking not knowing where you’re at, and no matter how hard you work feeling unfulfilled, I’ve been there. I understand that, how you’re listening to both sides in business. And thanks for being here today. As always, I’m your host, Tim Kubiak, you can find us on our socials at bow ties in business on Facebook and Instagram, and bow ties and bi z on Twitter, you can find me at Tim Kubiak just about everywhere. Today we’re joined by Evelyn than S. And she’s going to talk about her book, being relentlessly yourself. And it’s really going to be a little bit of her journey and her coaching business and how she got to where she is, but a lot about how she works with entrepreneurs and senior managers to help them find joy in what they do and find meaning and get to that next stage in life. So Emily, thank you so much for being here. It’s lovely being I think your team. So we were talking before I hit record a little bit about your book. So let’s start with name of the book, why you wrote it and who it’s who it’s really targeted for.
Evelien Van es 1:02
Yes. And the name of the book is be relentlessly yourself. And actually, I have it available in two languages also in Dutch, but I want to challenge the listener to, to read that Dutch book, because most will probably be English speaking. So be relentlessly yourself and take on life. And this book has been written in COVID time. So last year, 2020s been a year that I’ve taken to really get to, to the core of, of my being, and to translate that into a message message for for others. I work as an international business and life coach speaker. And I work already for so many years with senior managers and entrepreneurs to really help them to get to the core of their being into translate that into their business so that they can build their business on a foundation of authenticity. And that’s how you can really make a difference. And for me be relentlessly yourself is a message that is so crucial to really take up your space in life because there is enough space for all of us. And if you do that both on the personal part in life, as well as on the business part, that’s really where you find the path to being in a situation where you feel that have that feeling of fulfillment. And that’s really something that I would want everyone everybody to have that feeling because that’s where really the liberation in life is all about if you get to that point.
Tim Kubiak 2:36
So how often do you find that the core of somebody’s being isn’t truly aligned with what they’re doing?
Evelien Van es 2:44
Oh, actually, quite often, because that what I see is that a lot of people think they know themselves, but they don’t really know themselves that well, because they’ve been so stuck in the way they were nurtured. And what I do in my work is really help people to see the difference between what their nature their true nature is, instead of what they’ve been taught, we already you know, very early in life, after we’re three years old, we’re ready, so nurtured by our parents, school friends and people that we hang around with, but even later in life, in our careers and in our jobs, and, and getting to that core, and to really see what patterns you’ve kind of, you know, adopted actually, and what you’ve been living, and to see what you’re doing and to surround yourself with people that can mirror you and help you to see clearly what is going on, that will really open your eyes. So I see that a lot. And once you get to their point where you feel complete self love, and you accept yourself for the true self that you are, that really, you know, kind of lifts off a lot of weight from people’s shoulder. So many people are carrying so often luggage of others, or they’re carrying other people’s suitcases.
Tim Kubiak 4:07
So I speak for myself, and I’m pretty open about this. It was a hard realization that my gift in life was business, right? Yeah, you’re young, you have dreams, and you’re going to be creative. And you’re going to be this and you’re going to be that when you realize that thing in life that you’re good at because frankly running a sales organization in my case, that that takes a lot of come to grips with. Right. And I imagine other people have similar challenges. So how do you align what you do in business? With those gifts? I guess, right? If you find out that you are the creative type, but you’re not really the leadership type or vice versa, right. You’re a leader but you’re not creative or you’re strategic thinker, but you can’t do cactus.
Evelien Van es 4:47
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think it’s really important to find a specific role, where you can use your unique gifts and your talents in life, but also in a role that really suits you. And for example, if I Look at my own life in a, in the past in my corporate career, I’ve always been leading teams and individuals. So that really is where my love for, for working with a team and people in to inspire women and to be that, that, that that leader in the group. So it’s been something that I felt really natural to me. So that’s a reason for me and my own business, I also started mentoring a couple of coaches, because I love helping clients myself, but I also love to step up with a group of people and to inspire them and to help them to grow and, and to be part of that ripple effect instead of just me working one on one with clients. And that’s also something I do with my book and with my speaking is to inspire a bigger group of people. So it’s really about understanding what your what the role is that comes most natural to you. And also to, and part of that, understanding what your nature is, is really understanding what your natural rhythm is, even throughout the week, throughout the day, but also throughout the seasons. Because some people are really big peak during summertime, and others don’t, you know, they really need some time to really take a step back in winter time. And for other people, it’s the other way around. So it is also really important to understand. even looking at your day schedule, some people are really productive creative in the mornings. So don’t plan your meetings early morning, you know, do your creative thing, you know, do your writing, do your painting, or drawing or whatever you do. And so listen to your your own natural rhythm and then create from there and take your role from there.
Tim Kubiak 6:43
So I’m gonna, I’m gonna take try and take that a little further. So so often, and I’ll say it’s become even pop culture, right? Everybody has almost a dogma around. What’s your morning routine? Why do you have your morning routine? What it is? How do you, you know, talk about being creative in the morning. And that that’s actually, I’m talking to you early in the morning, my time I’ve been up for a couple of hours I’ve worked out, I’ve done my writing for the day, I figured that out. But how do you align and build your business around that, like, I have the two o’clock rule. By the way, after two o’clock, if I’m being unreasonable, anybody can invoke the two o’clock rule. And we’ll defer the decisions the next day, nobody’s gonna die. What I do, right, we make the decision A day later, if we hire somebody a day later, we sign a contract the day light or whatever, right? It’s not the end of the world. How do you how do you find those? And by the way, I’ll admit to be the worst person in the world with work boundaries. Right? I just work all the time, and other people have to pull me out.
Evelien Van es 7:43
Yeah, well, I think I think if you’re as passionate about your job, and you do we do, it’s, it’s wonderful. But some people, when they really have difficulties drawing their boundaries, they you know, they can get stuck. And but I think steps, first step is to really know and to listen to your body, you know, what your body needs and, and how you feel best. So it’s also about you being healthy about exercising and, and, and allowing yourself to take a step back. So you can let that creativity flow. So it is instead of just rushing and being you know, in in the highest gear, driving all the time is to slow down. And by doing that, to unravel what your natural rhythm is. And from that on, to create your own tunes on in which you want to be doing your work. So I think that’s, that’s, I think it’s that’s a gym, if you can get to that point in life, where you can translate that into your business, I think then, then you’re at a really good place. Because for me, it’s it’s I determine my my agenda, and it’s not the outside world that is doing that. But that requires for me to draw the boundary. And that means that I don’t want to be in meetings from seven in the morning until nine at evening. No, I have my specific times during the days and of course, sometimes, you know, you can be flexible if something is really important, or if you want to prioritize, but I have the responsibility to keep myself and my creativity and my way of working at you know, at a quality level. And that’s where I know I have to take so it’s also about taking responsibility for your for yourself and being you know, being healthy and delivering quality. Yeah.
Tim Kubiak 9:39
How do senior managers find themselves in positions they no longer?
Evelien Van es 9:44
Ha, that’s an I love that question. And I think a lot of them, you know, get to a point in life senior managers where they’re kind of, you know, in a situation where a lot of people require stuff from them. Continue Mostly, they have people that are constantly want to pick their brains. And so they, you know, they they get in and kind of fit their agenda is leaving their lives, and really taking the time to take that step back and to dig a little bit of time to feel like where am I at, in my career at this moment? And is this what I truly want and what I desire, I see that there is a huge longing for having just a little bit of time for themselves to reflect and to kind of, you know, be at a point in life where they can reflect and feel is this really what I want to be doing for the rest of my career. And most of them are in their, you know, they’re either midlife or even past midlife in their 40s between 50s. And they see that they still have options, but they are so stuck in their in their way of doing and living their life every day. And that’s where I see they haven’t a huge desire to to have a little bit of me time.
Tim Kubiak 11:11
So let’s talk about that. Getting away from the business. Right, I work in tech. So I will I will say that tech is one of the worst industries in the world for you have to always be on there’s this unrealistic expectation, right? And by the way I subscribed to for a long time on this, right? If I don’t answer this email, the world might end. Why? Because somebody packets might get dropped somewhere in the world. And there’s a millisecond delay, and somebody might notice, right, but that kind of insanity is there. And I’ll say Silicon Valley economics, right? You look, and even when you’re off, and I actually had this conversation with a friend yesterday, and they said unlimited vacation times a great thing. So it’s not real. I think it’s the worst thing that happened, at least in my industry. Because now when you’re away, you can’t say I have to defend American vacation times, two weeks, right? For new hire. For senior managers, maybe six weeks, that executive might have unlimited, but they never get to take it. Because you never get away. Right. Germany is an example, has said that when you’re out of the office, you can’t answer email kind of made it a lot. Right. There’s a cultural difference how you find that time away, and communicate that I don’t not love the business, I just need to recharge?
Evelien Van es 12:31
Yeah, yeah, I think it’s a good question. And I think it is, it is just a matter of being really to, to know where to understand where you’re on limits are. And I think that it’s never good enough. I think if you’re working in an environment that you just described, I think it’s it’s, you know, it’s never good enough, even if you would have more than 24 hours in a day, it’s still you know, isn’t enough. So if it’s not enough, then, you know, at some point, you have to draw the line and to, to take care of yourself to to be able to deliver and to be able to be be in his insane state to to do your work. So I think it’s just a matter of also, you know, just being strict in saying, you know, every Friday afternoon, I’m going to be, you know, golfing, or I’m going to be out of the year I’m going to be walking or cycling or doing something else. And, you know, when you can say, you know, when you when you get back, you do a last check in your your phone in between, you know, 500 5:30pm but then that’s it, and then the weekend starts, I think it’s, you have to draw a line somewhere. And if you doesn’t, you know, it’s it’s, yeah, it is. It is a little bit of discipline, I guess.
Tim Kubiak 13:51
Yeah, yeah. And I think, you know, one of the things that she did such challenges, culturally, it was in America, it has become such a if I’m not seeing if I don’t do this, I’m left behind. Right. And there is that reality, and there is that perception, and some of us maybe not based in reality, but yeah,
Evelien Van es 14:11
yeah. And I think if you do that, then it’s you’re not loved living inside out, but outside in. And I think what it’s all about, and what my book is all about is be relentlessly yourself is to live the life that feels good from inside out, and not the other way around. Also, as I, as I mentioned, sometimes is that you know, people are so afraid of competition, I don’t even believe competition exists. Because if you really look at yourself and how unique you are, and if you translate that into your business, then there’s no word nobody did so like. And I think so many people are just so fearful because of everything that they see around themselves and what others do and I think that really exhausts you and it frustrates you and gives you stress and being able to read really stay completely in line with your own core and who you are into, to to live your life. That’s what life is supposed to be, I believe
Tim Kubiak 15:13
entrepreneurs, yeah, our drive staying inside what your life’s supposed to be? How do you help them?
Unknown Speaker 15:22
Tim Kubiak 15:25
that their employees will never love their baby as much as they do? their employees? Sorry, I didn’t get your question, though, if, if I create this thing, and I build this company, I see a trend with the entrepreneurs, I work with it, no one else gets it like they do. Because they created it, right? They brought it to life. And what a good employee or a great employee does will still never be the same as what the founder does. There’s just always a difference. And helping them understand the one of the things I’m challenged with is I build sales organizations, frankly, is helping the founders understand that gap between these people are really working, they’re working hard. They don’t think like you they don’t have the vision that you have. That’s why they’re maybe why they’re employees. Maybe not. But right now, odds are, it’s you’re the general, they’re the soldiers, and you just have to understand that good soldiers look different than you do.
Evelien Van es 16:21
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I think what is really important there is that every individual has a specific purpose, why they do what they do. And I think building a team and with people, it is really important to get to the core of what their own, what is driving them. And if you know, and you can understand what is driving them not from the head, but from the heart. And you get a grip on that, that’s really where you, you can kind of get, you know, get some fueling to get them going. Because if they have a specific why and a purpose that is really adding on to the bigger picture of your organization or your team, that’s where you get the connection. And I think sometimes people are just being let within teams where they’re just, you know, doing things. But if you really get to the core of why they’re doing what they’re doing, and how that Chrome chip contributes to the bigger picture. That’s where you really get to connection. And everybody’s different. And you know, you know, you don’t, you’re not looking for copies of yourself within your organization. And I think if you can see that uniqueness, and if you can use that unique added value of every individual with their specific purposes within the organization. And if that really within a team adds on to each other, I think that’s when you have a really good combination. And it’s just really being able to see people for who they truly are, instead of, you know, looking for copies of yourself know, is really opening up and seeing other people for what their qualities and what their uniqueness is in life and to be able to fuel that so that they can really spread their wings and soar.
Tim Kubiak 18:04
Yeah, I love that. Because you do you have to let people be themselves, right. We forced them into the molds and you get turnover and unhappiness and lower production. Absolutely, absolutely. So you talk before we started recording, you sat in the garden? Yeah, your book, How do you like to work?
Evelien Van es 18:26
How do I love to work, I will, I love to write actually writing I already did. So many years before I started writing my book, and I love to have my slow morning rhythm in either, you know, going for a run or walk doing some writing and doing some, you know, meditation and and then I prefer to have, yeah, I actually, I don’t have the same rhythm every single day with how I do my business because I am a creative mind. And I would like to have, you know, some some time to play and to be able to connect and to network and to be able to do my speaking gigs or to, to do my coaching. And so not one day is the same, but I do prefer to have that morning rhythm. And also because I’ve worked with clients all over the world, and I’m based in Europe, and sometimes I work you know, late days because at a time difference. And so I you know, I just I just I’m the one that’s that’s determining my agenda and I plan my meetings when I want to I sometimes even have clients on Saturday, but then you know, during the week week when I have like on a regular working day, maybe on a Wednesday, know when there’s time in my calendar to to go off and do something else or to create something or to spend a day reading or writing I do that and that’s for me. Really luxurious to be able to to To do that, and, and that’s how I keep myself in, in a very good condition both physically, mentally and emotionally.
Tim Kubiak 20:11
It’s beautiful that you practice what you teach, right?
Evelien Van es 20:14
Yes, yes, absolutely. And I’m continuously challenged by that. Because if you write a book that is called be relentlessly yourself, people around you will constantly help you remind, remind your mom remind you of that. So that’s wonderful.
Tim Kubiak 20:30
We’ve talked about you do public speaking, you do, obviously, things like podcasts that you’re on, now you do a conference virtual conference presentations in past year? What’s your vision for going back to live events? What would you like to do? Is the world goes back to normal?
Evelien Van es 20:48
And? Well, it’s, that’s a good question. Because then I think back to normal, I think people will not be traveling as much as we have all, you know, been doing that crazy in the past, going to a meeting, you know, for to London upside up. And now for one day, or for just a couple of hours. I think that’s kind of crazy. So I think that is a really a good change. But I think we’re all are humans, and that humans are supposed to connect and have that warm connection. So I think, even though you can do wonderful work also through online connecting, and there’s so many tools available, that’s wonderful, but then still will, I think desire, and that same for me to go back to having, like speaking engagements and to travel every now and then to be able to do that, but then on a very, you know, to really think about, you know, to, to do it in specific times, and not as much in the past to be very conscious about how much traveling we do. I think that’s where we also have. I see. So this also is, you know, Mother Nature is calling us to take our responsibility in in that sense.
Tim Kubiak 22:00
Yeah, yeah, it’s been interesting. So I have friends that are in the business where if people don’t go back to the office, their businesses will not thrive, because what they sell depends on people being in the office. And you know, it’s not a matter of a pivot. It’s just a technological limitation. I have friends on the other end of the spectrum, who never want anyone to go back, because the things they sell work better when people work from home. So it’s really interesting to watch. From a distance, you know, people that you’re close with, you know, at least professionally, have two different narratives and go, Hmm, I’m actually who they’re courting here. And I’m kind of in the middle, I want a couple of conferences to come back, because I love them. And I love what I learned from them. But I don’t ever want to do three cities in a day again, I don’t ever want to use the maryada at Heathrow as my apartment for three weeks and fly on to the continent for day trips in New 20 hour days and come back and do it the next day. Right? Yeah. Yeah, and I, you know, I don’t miss golf outings, because they don’t golf or not, well, you know, now cycling or yoga or something. Yeah. If you if somebody is going to plan that out, probably.
Evelien Van es 23:11
Absolutely. Yeah. So I think that is a blessing that we all you know, get get this, by this heart lesson, you know, we learn how to be more, more responsible.
Tim Kubiak 23:23
So before we kind of wrap up, I’ve got one more question for you. You work with clients all over the world? Yeah. How do you help them adjust to cultural differences? Because every culture is different expectations?
Evelien Van es 23:36
Yeah. Um, well, I think it is it because I have a lot of clients that I work with that are either work within an organization, but usually international organizations where they have either young most most of the time and mix it people working there. And people in their business, I think it is really setting your own terms in how you do your business and where your values are. And I think it’s especially entrepreneurs, they’re, you know, they’re there, they’re free, and how they lead their business and how they do that, and how to create their values and how they do their business. So it really is not something I run into as a huge obstacle, I think most of it is people helping them to really get out of their head and really, to their heart and to really feel that what is underneath what their foundation is because that really is what it is. And that’s something inside out and it’s not something that is being determined by their culture. And and it’s being flexible in the environment that you’re in either within a huge organization or in your own business and having respect for others, but I think it’s finding that common ground and finding Common Ground with people that you work with, and to be very transparent about it and to be speaking about it, I think that is most important. And so that you know, from each other what you’re, you know what, where you’re at. And I think that openness and communication, I think that that’s even one of the most important things there is in business. So what Haven’t I asked you that I should? Well, I think it’s, it’s maybe what my dream is. There you go. That’s a great one. Because I yeah, I think dreaming is really important, because I think I believe as long as we all have dreams that we have in life, that really gives us a fuel to move on. And for me, it, it’s my dream. Now, you know, my first dream was to, to have this book out there. And now My dream is to really reach a lot of souls, people that are in need of some clarity in their life. And so my book is available. And it is, with a lot of exercises that help people to really self reflect. And it’s something I have to offer. And it is a privilege to be able to reach out to such a huge group of people all around the world buy this book. And so, for me, it’s a dream to, to have this out and to be touching a lot of people out there and to be part of their transformation just a little bit. Buy this book. That’s a big dream that I have, and working to find the book. The book is available on Amazon in the US and different Amazon’s wherever you are in the world and also on Barnes and Noble and the Dutch version is also available through different channels. So yeah. Fantastic. Thank you so much for taking the time. I’ve really enjoyed the conversation. Thank you, Tim. It was lovely having you here.